Life continues in recovery...

WOW, I dont even remember writing my last blog. Going by its date, im sure i was pretty messed up.
Well, Im getting much better now. Life in recovery. MMM...its awesome. I decided today, and even wrote it down, that im getting some of my sanity back. YAY! Not all days are grand...like yesterday, but i made it through. I still wake up every morning not knowing how to feel, so i put on as happy a face that i can and get out of bed...immediately praying ofcourse. Then, if i can manage to stay out of my own head, i have a pretty good day. Still no work...ugh. Gunna need that to come through pretty soon, and it will.
Im acting like a pretty good Dad...that feels pretty good. Im proud of my kids for being soo strong through this. We're going to make it through.
Pray for me, if thats your thing. I need it because i still feel lost at times.

Stupid Nice Guys....always finishing last!

Here i am yet again. Hurt by this woman in a manner that would kill some. Ever had your heart ripped out of your chest...? Well i have, who cares how many times! How was i ever able to forgive so much? How did i let this woman back in to do this again? I will never know.
I could holler from the pain...I keep it in. Not good. Everyone says they're proud...somehow i feel ok. This is one of those times you would wish for a brother or father to be there for you. Not fortunate enough for that luxury. Im glad i have my mother, my sister and my aunt fran. Jesse even...and the rest of my family. Im fortunate to have a family that really knows what it means to love. I cant wait for the pain to stop so i can enjoy the rest of my life with all these people i prefer to be around. Ill let you know when it subsides...

Happy to give thanks.

With all that is going on surrounding me, I am finding time to be greatful for what i have. So easy to lose focus, but i drive on. I am very happy with my self for the way i live my life. I wish everyone felt this way, and i often forget people dont. Its hard to remember that not everyone can be as healthy as i am, if im even healthy at all. (I think i am)
I have begun to integrate myself into a side of my family that has never been my family. The Simpson's. Alot going on there, but they have been outgoing enough to let me in. Mixed feelings about my involvement with them, but i drive on. If i dont need anything from my father, i cant be let down. As sad as that is, its the way it is, so i dont get down about it. The are there for me right now, in a sense.
My kids are doing great! And, they are awesome. The coolest people in my life. I enjoy my time with them, especially since i know they wont be constantly in my life for too much longer. Their grades are up, activity and moral levels are high, and I feel great about the people they are turning into. Well, except for Faith...she's spoiled. Kinda a going away present for Tina. HEHE.
I am doing Thanksgiving dinner for just me and the kids. No family visiting this year. Sad really, i really could use some, but i drive on. Its going to be great! I hope. Kinda intimidated by cooking an entire holiday meal alone, so wish me luck.
I hope all of you (my followers atleast) have a wonderful holiday. My prayers and hopes are with you, though i am not. Gobble-Gobble.

UGH... I need a vacation!!!

To say that staying home with three kids was a challenge would be the understatement of the century. We all know i've had my difficulties with this, but I am now aware it only gets harder as you go. Dont send the National Guard just yet...I'm actually capable of dealing with what I have to. I am growing tired...physically. My body feels drained at times and my mind cant do anything to influence it. I need a break. I would like nothing more than to spend Christmas with my sister, in NY, without my kids, but I think that could lead to a mental breakdown. So I stay. Tina will be visiting from IRAQ, whoo-friggin-whoo, but atleast she will be absorbing the brunt of the kids onslaught. I may take a drive while she's here. No destination, or maybe i'll think of one. Just get out of here. 24 or 48 hrs. That sounds so nice. Just escaping from this place which burdens me mentally to just be around. Thats it! This is my plan. Im going to escape, NO, run, and do something for myself. Theres the plan! Look out "fill in the blank", HERE I COME!

The Return....

Sorry to all for my abscense. Haven't had the motivation to blog in some time. But im back to redeem myself. This is going to be quite a release.

Where do I begin? Perhaps where i left off. I spent the summer separated from my kids and my wife, not my decision. But, I benefitted by this time. I did alot for myself and for my kids. I developed a sober living plan and have stuck to it. Unfortunately, this is where my problems begin. My wife, in IRAQ, has developed bad decision making skills that will cost her ME. I wont elaborate, but my marriage has desolved. I seek no pity. I may not have always been an angel, hehe, but im in the best place mentally that i have ever been. I am looking forward to my future and not dwelling on my past or present. Where is my future, you ask? It is where i want it to be. I AM going to be happy. I AM going to be doing something I love. I AM going to get my groove back, lol. I will be attending a Education Program to get my EMT certification, very cool because this is what i want to do. I am just hoping it has some kind of job placement. Id hate to have to fall back on my CDL. I know where im going to be, but, as for my current situation, this information will be classified for a little while longer.
I hope all of my followers are great. Know that i am too. It would take more than what im going through to bring me down. I love you all. Expect another blog soon.

Well, Easter has again come to pass. Full baskets of candy, hard-boiled eggs (of which, I consume), and children acting like they are on CRACK. Did I act like this? How do I never remember that these kids should never be given this much sugar....unless they are visiting Nani. I am inside some sort of acid trip with these kids making strange faces and asking alot of weird questions. "HEY, HEY, UM....WHY DID YOU SHAVE?" and "DADDY, I WUNNA GO TO CHUCH, ANN MONNA MO CANDY. OK DADDY?" My idea was to add chamomile tea packets to their baskets, but my wife didn't agree with that. Well...I guess it's the NYQUIL cocktail after church. One for me too.

Everyone have a wonderful Easter, I know I will. I have been saved for a year today, so its time to go raise HIS name and thank HIM for all that he has done for me, and for you.

Kids + Sea World - $1,000 = Priceless

Well, what a weekend I had. Sea World was by far the coolest amusement park i've been to. If i had only not taken these kids. Im kidding, or am I. We all got to pet the dolphins and ofcourse saw the Shamu and sea lion show. Faith was in and out of her stroller all day. Everytime she got up, she'd skin her knee. OUCH! Lunch was more expensive than "OUTBACK". And if I had only known what salpicar translated to in english...I was in charge of running to Shamu's arena to get seats. Finding 5 seats in the 5th row was a score in this salpicar zone. Well, when the end of the show was near, Shamu came over and showed us what salpicar means....if you haven't figured it out, it means "SPLASH ZONE". Relntlessly soaking us over and over for taunting him by chanting his name. Who knew? The water was 11c, exhilarating. All in all, awesome weekend! If you go to SEA World, wear a bathing suit and bring a towel, your gunna need it.